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Saturday, October 5, 2013

A Strong-Minded, Strong-Willed Woman

I am not trying to brag when I say that I think I am unique. I believe that we all are, or at least can be. Something that really bothers me is when people (okay, especially females) throw away their feelings, thoughts, desires, you name it, all to please another person. What is the benefit of that? Instead of sharing yourself with others, you simply become the mirror that reflects who they are. And like the mirror, you are not a living thing, but simply a trick of light and shadows. I know women who love to listen to seventies rock, but since they are married to someone who exclusively listens to country music, that is now the only music they play, even when they are alone in their own car. They love to read books, but have quit doing so, because their significant other isn't much of one for reading. They only watch the tv programs their mate likes. Suddenly a life-long eater of chocolate or shrimp or broccoli never eats it again, because Mister doesn't like it. They vote the way their partner votes. In short, when they find someone that they want to make happy, they cease to exist as an individual.

That person is not me. I have always been a person who likes what she likes. No, I am not a person who won't compromise. I love to make foods that Trent likes to eat. Luckily, they are usually things I like to eat, too. (It only took me a few years to get him to try my green chile, and now he loves it. A few years longer than that to try Hungarian food, and he thinks it's fantastic.) And sometimes I just don't want to see the same movie he is excited to have arriving in the movie theaters. I don't have a problem with him going with a friend. Or making a deal with me along the lines of "If I go with you to see The Movie That Doesn't Thrill Me At All But I'm Going To See It Because I Love You, then you will take me to see That Scary Movie That Katrina Wants To See And I Have No Idea Why, Unless She's Scouting For Ideas On How To Kill Me Without Leaving Any Evidence Behind." I know that's silly, but you get the idea, I hope. 

When I was much younger, one of my aunts came over to have dinner with me and Gram. Gram had made one of my favorite dishes, and I had two servings. Those were the days when I could eat anything that wasn't tied down and never gain weight. I miss that. Anyway, my aunt started smiling when I got a second plate. She wasn't making fun of me, she was just happy at how much I was enjoying myself. She told me that something she had always loved about me was that when I liked something, I really liked it. And not just food. Books, music, sitting in the summer sun with a dog on my lap, eating plums as I picked them off the tree. People, places, thinking deep thoughts. Being witty and sassy, but also loving and generous and kind. Scary movies, old ones, musicals, dramas, comedies.

Trent knows I am my own person. So is he. A week from Sunday, I will be watching the tv in the other room, eager to see what will be new on this season of The Walking Dead. It's just not his thing. Some other evening, he might be watching something I am not terribly excited about. When elections roll around, we will both vote by our consciences, although we do tend to have the same feelings regarding politics. But if everything we liked was the same, what on earth would we have to talk about? I know that one of the biggest things that drew us together, and keeps us together, is our intelligence and individuality. Trent knew from day one that I would never act stupid to stroke a man's ego. And he loves me for that, and I love that he wants to be married to this strong-willed, strong-minded woman.