Eight days ago, I was a bit worried. It was Sunday, and for a few days I had definitely been feeling like a person who has lupus. I was exhausted and achy and several other things that made me worried about my least-favorite f word as a lupus patient - flare.
How would I find the energy to get ready for our upcoming weekend in the mountains with our friends? We would just have to pack our bags a little at a time. I could ride in the car with my head resting, and probably feel okay.
Meanwhile, the friends we were going to be with on the weekend were arriving home from a trip to Hawaii. They had originally planned to go to Florida, but hurricane Irma convinced them to change their plans. Thayne, Marie, and Thayne's sister Julie enjoyed several days in Hawaii, and Thayne was excited about his experience swimming with sea turtles.
On Sunday night, all of us were in our respective homes. Thayne told Marie that his feet were really swollen post-travel. As is usual for me, insomnia was my companion that night. When the phone rang at 8:00 am on Monday, I was still half asleep. I said I couldn't answer because I was too groggy. Trent picked up his phone and saw several missed calls from both Marie and Julie.
While I struggled to get fully awake, Trent called Marie to see what was going on that would require several calls to both of our phones. "Thayne passed away this morning," Marie told us. He had left home at 6:00 to pick up his son-in-law and carpool to work. Kevin waited on the street as 6:15 and 6:30 came and went. He called Marie and they both got in their cars to see if Thayne's car had broken down on the way.
Not far from home, Marie saw that traffic was blocked because of an accident. Thayne's car had run into a light pole. She pulled over in front of the emergency vehicles, ready to give him a piece of her mind for texting and driving and wrecking his car. It was Thayne's death that caused the accident, though, and not the other way around. (Miraculously, no other people or vehicles were harmed.) Despite the valiant efforts of emergency personnel, he was gone. The coroner's report won't be ready for several weeks, but it appears that Thayne had gotten some blood clots in his legs from the long flights home, and they broke loose and went to his heart.
Trent and I went to the hospital to provide support for Marie and her family. When I saw him laying on the gurney, covered with a sheet up to his chin, I kept expecting to see the sheet move, rising with his breathing. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and Trent and I brushed away the final tears that Thayne had shed. I told him he was a turd for leaving without saying goodbye, and all of us gave a chuckle knowing that he would have found it funny.
Instead of packing for a weekend getaway, we experienced being with the family as they planned his funeral and mourned the loss of a vital 57 year old man. He was able to give some last gifts - his corneas and some of his leg bones and tendons went to people who needed them. The empty spaces he leaves in so many hearts will be difficult to heal, but we will try to do so with laughter and joyful memories. Thayne loved to laugh, and sharing our funny memories will honor him.
On Saturday, we returned Thayne to the earth that nourishes us with both food and beauty. Geese will graze on the grass that blankets his resting space, a beautiful and bittersweet reminder that life goes on in spite of our losses or our victories. Nature flows along with the seasons, just as it did eight days ago, the day before our friend was gone. We miss you, Thayne.
A note from The Lunatic: There are two things that I think we can learn from Thayne's death. Our bodies are fragile. Please try to walk around periodically when you fly or take long trips by car, or consider using compression socks. Second, let the people you care about know that you love or admire or like them. Tomorrow has no guarantees, and we can never share our hearts too many times with the ones we love.
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