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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Bigfoot From Space

As I write, Trent is watching one of those "the spacemen did it" programs filled with the commentaries of the guys who have no girlfriends that I wrote about in an earlier blog. Incidentally, these and other programs have inspired a new phrase in my vocabulary. Although it is grammatically incorrect, and I was an English/History major, I use this expression almost daily. And what is this blemished pearl? Something that seems to sum up the theme of many of these programs. "It was the space-mans. The space-mans did it!" I have found that this can actually be used to explain any number of things. A news story about some animals getting out of their cages at the zoo? The space-mans did it, of course! The weather is unseasonably hot? It is the space-mans who are at fault! The dishwasher hasn't been run yet? The space-mans. I know, I am a terrible, awful person.

The program that is on in the background here this evening has some things I would never have imagined. Did you know that Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti/Skunk Ape, etc. are extraterrestrials? And Gilgamesh's sidekick was a Bigfoot? Oh! Goliath was a Bigfoot, too? Who knew? And they created vast networks of caves that enable them to travel and communicate with each other all over the world. I think phones and planes are easier, but they didn't ask me. There is some debate over whether they are pure extraterrestrials or the products of those wily space-mans mating with beautiful human women. We have been regaled with tales of Bigfoot-type creatures descending from spacecraft or waiting at spots where spacecraft hover or land. To me, it just does not make a lot of sense. It must not to Trent either; he just switched over to Olympics coverage.

According to the people on these programs, these are beings of extreme intelligence and capability. Heck, not only did they travel across time and space to come here, but they established themselves as Gods here before they built the pyramids and just about everything else of beauty and/or magnificence that was created in the Ancient world. If they are so evolved, why don't they speak? Heck, why don't they do something about all of that shaggy hair? And why do they smell so bad? We mere mortals at least use soap and deodorant. And, if they are so darn smart, why aren't they in charge and bossing us all around, and making us live in the forests and mountains while they enjoy their climate-controlled dwellings?

I know that there are many species of flora and fauna that modern man has yet to discover. Perhaps one day something Bigfoot-like may even be brought to light, who knows? As William Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." I am perfectly willing to go along with something like Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus, but I am afraid to say that as far as the Bigfoot from space is concerned, I am a non-believer. On a planet like ours, nobody that brilliant needs to hide away!